HOW I WORK AS A TRAUMA-INFORMED COUPLES THERAPIST IN CALIFORNIA

If you are considering couples therapy and want to know how I actually work before reaching out, this post is for you. These are the questions I encourage prospective clients to ask any therapist they are considering, along with my honest answers. I see couples in person in Orange County and virtually throughout California.

Are You Specifically Trained in Couples Therapy, and What Modalities Do You Use?

Yes. Couples therapy is the center of my clinical work, not an add-on. My training includes Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the Gottman Method, and Relational Life Therapy (RLT), three approaches among the most clinically respected and effective in the field. In practice, I draw on all three depending on what a couple needs. EFT helps partners recognize the emotional cycles keeping them stuck. The Gottman Method gives us a research-grounded framework for understanding what is building connection and what is eroding it. RLT brings directness when couples need someone to name what is happening and challenge the dynamics that are doing the most damage. I also integrate Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) into my work when it can help, including with emotional reactivity, triggers, and the barriers to closeness that persist even when both partners have the best intentions. Overall, my approach to couples therapy is integrative and evidence-based.

What If One Partner Is Reluctant About Couples Therapy?

Sometimes it can feel like one partner is less invested in the work than the other. One partner may have had therapy experiences that left them feeling blamed or unheard, or may not be sure the relationship is worth saving. I work to make space for that directly rather than pushing past it. Each person needs to feel that the room is safe enough to be honest.

What I cannot do, and what no therapist can do, is change a partner who is not ready or willing to engage in this process. What sometimes emerges instead is clarity about how committed each partner truly is, and the real work becomes deciding how, or whether, to move forward. Strengthening a relationship is only possible when each person wants to work on their own side of the dynamic. But even when it does not feel that way at first, sessions can help each person get clear on what they want and what they are willing to do.

Do You Take Trauma History Into Account in Your Couples Work?

Yes. Trauma history is something I consider with every couple I work with. Many of the patterns couples identify as relationship problems, chronic conflict, emotional shutdown, difficulty trusting, disproportionate reactions to ordinary moments, can be rooted in each partner's individual history.

I am trained in Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), a highly effective approach that addresses emotional reactivity, triggers, and the barriers to closeness that persist even when partners genuinely want to connect. This means I can work with both the relational dynamic and the individual experiences shaping it. When those individual pieces are addressed, the couples work can go deeper.

Do You See Each Partner Individually, as Well as Together?

Yes, occasionally. Individual sessions are typically how I structure the second and third sessions when beginning couples therapy. This starting phase allows me to assess whether conjoint sessions are even appropriate and safe for both partners, something I take seriously before moving forward together.

After that initial phase, individual sessions can be recommended as needed to support the work. ART is also conducted individually rather than conjointly, which means that when reactivity or barriers to closeness need to be addressed directly, we have a dedicated space to do that.

What Does Progress Look Like in Your Work With Couples?

Early on, progress often looks like partners being able to have a difficult conversation without it escalating into the same fight they always have. They start to recognize the cycle they are in rather than just feeling trapped by it.

Over time, conflict doesn't feel as destabilizing, and repair becomes quicker. There is more willingness to be vulnerable, and partners begin to actually understand each other rather than defending a position. The ability to repair after conflict, and to do it faster and with less damage, is one of the clearest signs that the work is taking hold.

Ultimately, an increase in relational satisfaction is a significant marker of progress in couples therapy. When both people feel more content with their relationship dynamic and can navigate the occasional unavoidable disagreement without it derailing them, I consider that meaningful progress.

Do You Offer Virtual Sessions, In-Person, or Both?

Both. I see clients in person in Orange County and virtually throughout California. Research supports virtual therapy as equally effective for most couples, and for many people, removing the commute is what makes consistent attendance realistic. Some couples prefer the structure of an in-person setting, and there is real value in that, too. We can talk about what format works best for your situation, whether you are looking for couples therapy or marriage counseling in person or online.

How to Know If Your Couples Therapist Is a Good Fit

I work best with couples where both partners are willing to look honestly at their own patterns, not just each other's. I bring advanced training in three leading couples therapy approaches, genuine warmth, and a trauma-informed perspective to every session. But to truly know if we are a good fit, it may require a consultation or a couple of sessions to get a sense of how things feel.

If you are ready to start or need more information, I am here to support you.

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Written by Regina Bernius

My work focuses on couples therapy and Accelerated Resolution Therapy, supporting people on the path toward personal and relational healing. Sessions are offered in person in Orange County and virtually across California. If you would like my support or have questions, please reach out.